A friend once told me that I deal life as if it was a chess game. Always thinking ahead. Always trying to predict the opponent’s next move. Its useful to anticipate things and plan. The thing with chess is that it has a finite number of states. It still takes a supercomputer traverse all the possible moves(or at least all the reasonable moves) but still its finite. Life unfortunately is like that. If you don’t know everything that will affect a possible outcome, your computation is useless. A mentat is only good as the data that is fed into it.

I’ve been working as a software developer for some years and have worked on lots of projects. For various reasons, unavoidable or not, project plans seldom reflect reality. I saw the futility of planning too much. More than planning, it pays more to know what is your goal, what is your current status and how you steer to your current state to the desired state. Knowing what are the essential and not so essential is vital. I never said that there should be no planning. Just don’t plan too much.

I was a bit late though to apply it(not planning that much) in life. Everytime I  make a decision, I will try to predict all the possible outcomes. The realist in me will have a bias on a bleak future. Sometimes its better not to look far out into the future. It’s because you usually can’t. We usually based our prediction on what we know. Unfortunately there are a lot of things that we don’t know. Those things that we don’t know, we can’t anticipate. And those things that we cannot anticipate is also a factor on the possible outcome. Knowing where you are happy and knowing what you can and cannot lose is more important than trying to think too much on what will happen.

Now I just enjoy the moment and damn the future. I will just lay out my goals, plan a little then live life. For someone who likes to know what will happen in the future, the pervading uncertainty is really gnawing at my soul. Thinking that you know what will happen is a false sense of security anyway.

—————————————————————————

This has been the shittiest week I had so far. Its a bit personal. I just wish that it will be over soon.