Last year when I visited him he needed to hold on my shoulders to walk. He was too proud to bring his cane. He even flipped over when I tried to walk fast. That got me scared.  I heard a loud thud when he fell with his back first.

I had him called by their office receptionist. He was taking a long time to come out. Maybe his condition was a little bit worse than before. After twenty minutes of waiting, he finally got out. I was right. It got worse. He is now on a wheelchair. His motor skills are deteriorating.

I rolled him off the building. We were going to Teriyaki Boy at the gasoline station. It was opposite their building.  He was surprised that I know how to push a wheelchair. He told me that when he and his officemates go to KFC they just push him down on the slopes(when the slope is a bit steep its better to pull the wheelchair with the back first). I reminded him that my father is a paralytic.

While crossing the street I asked him what made him change job. The reason was growth. In his old job, all the code are splattered on one place. In his new job the codes are better and he was able to use different Java frameworks like Spring, Struts,  Acegi etc. I was surprised. Its as if he has no dilapidating condition.  He  is still thinking of growth. He is still thinking of his career. He is still upbeat on his future.

As we chat during lunch he is still as tactless and loud like before. He told me how his teammates were annoyed with him because he was telling them that they are contradicting what they say the day before. He even has this girl he was eyeing. He was actually eyeing two. But the other one is not giving him any attention.

Live your life as if this is your last day. Screw that. Today I learned to live your life as if you will live forever.

I met with some ex-officemates last week. We had the usual catching-up conversation. What struck me most was that they sometimes send Outlook invitation for lunch. The strange thing is(at least for me), they find it fun.

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I had my first QA release today. Its not production release but the stress is a bit high since the database change involved a very large table. One of the database scripts lasted for five hours. If there were problems, it was mostly on the process.

The change involves adding a column and adding some data. While testing the script I filled-up the transaction logs three times(requiring the DBAs to rollback) and dropped an index on the wrong database. I now have a notorious reputation with the DBAs.

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If one does not attach himself to people and desires, never shall his heart be broken. ….But then, does he ever truly live? I’d rather die a mortal, with a care for someone, than to live as an immortal free from his death.

-Lu Yan(Forbidden Kingdom)

The ironic thing about what Lu Yan(Jacky Chan) said is that he is a Buddhist. Buddhism teaches about detachment.

While we are at it, it is interesting that Christianity also teaches detachment(Luke 17:33 – Whoever seeks to keep his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life will preserve it). I am not that familiar with other beliefs, but it would be interesting to learn if other beliefs also espouse detachment.

Price and Value

I recently bought a book and my showed it to my friend. My friend told me that it is not worth the price(34SGD) that I paid for it since the book is thin, around 220 pages, and the print was not that good.

This kind of thinking is prevalent(even guilty of this myself). A price of a book is not determined solely by the thickness and type of paper(price of production). It also depends on the price that readers would be willing to pay for it. If my 34SGD is more valuable than the book then I would not buy it. In my case the book has more value.

Price and value is often misunderstood. Value is something that you give while price is something that you pay for. It is related, but it is different. You can add value to something by giving it a high price. The luxury car business is a good example. The high price of a Mercedes gives it a high value. The high price is not solely the reason, but it adds value. You could not give a Toyota of the same quality the same price as of the Mercedes. The brand(Toyota) will prevent you from doing so.

Understanding the concept of price and value is not only important to economics. Price and value permeates human behavior. Our actions are usually determined by the things that we value and the price that we are willing to pay for it.

Imagine yourself in a situation where you have two party invitations on the same day organized by two of your friends. Friend1 is your close friend since highschool and a lot of your other batchmates will be there. Friend2 is your officemate and a close friend of your bosses, which will also be at the party. Which would you choose? Do you attend Friend1’s party since you want to meet your batchmates and you find it more fun or would you attend Friend2’s party since it will be a boost for your career? The price for attending Friend1’s party is the opportunity to rub elbows with your bosses. The price for attending Friend2’s party is that your friends may not think well of you.

We can also apply this to morality. Do we not lie because we value honesty or because we do not want to pay the price(being branded as a liar)? Do you not steal because you believe that it is wrong or are you afraid of being caught?

Many people love to moralize(“they should have done this and done that because <insert moral code here>”) or compare the situation of others to their situation(“I can do it why can’t they”). Different people value different things. Even if you value the same things, the price you are willing to pay for it is also different.

When in a dilemma it is useful to ask yourself what are the things you value and what is the price you are willing to pay for it. Most of the time it is the only question you need to answer.

One of my favorite lines in the Godfather series is: “That is the price you pay for the life you choose.” If you know price and value you would understand people and situations better.

Why can’t life be as simple as math?

My officemate and I were talking about sci-fi books last friday and he told me that I should read the Foundation Series by Asimov. It is about a scientist who discovered a way to predict the future using history, sociology and mathematical statistics. It reminded me of the question: “Why can’t life be as simple as math?”

When I pasted that in my status in YM I got two answers. A friend of my answered: “Di madali ang math. Pero at least may answer”. Another one answered: “Too much complexity. Too much variables.” Some days later while surfing the web I got this comment from one of the forums(on another topic but also related to life and math): “Because life is meant to be experienced and not to be solved”*

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* I do not agree entirely on the last statement. Spending all your time thinking about things is stupid. But just experiencing life and not thinking on why things are like this and like that is also stupid. Ignorance is bliss, but not for the curious.

Free Will

I never believed that much in free will. Not because it does not exist. It is more of that few people can exercise it. It is like crossing a forest with a trail. You have the freedom not to use that trail but the odds that you will not use that trail is great.